Monday, 25 January, 2010

The journey of life is really a journey of control, where we either learn that we are not in control and spend a lifetime trying to change that any way we can. Or, where we learn that to be in control we must learn about surrender and then we have all of the control we need. But before we can get to the point of surrender we try many ways to control our reality and we become master manipulators who create a reality that, by all appearances, looks like we are in control. But is it true and can we make it last?

We enroll ourselves in the school of manipulation at an early age. As babies, we learned that certain types of crying resulted in the attention we wanted. Then crying progressed into tantrums and anger, then we learned to verbalize our needs and when that no longer worked, we became silent, angry and moody teenagers. What we learned through all of this was that we can do things to get others to behave in the way we want them to. What we did not learn was how to manage our own energy to control our reality, without feeling that to do this we had to control others.

Most of us would cringe at the thought that we are master manipulators, but we all use manipulation to get what we want. We dress and act in ways that will convince people to like us, we go to the right schools and have the right jobs so that others will think we are successful. We learn to say the right things to convince people that we are worthy of their love, attention and acceptance. And we do what others think is right and proper so we can please them. Our crying and tantrums become more quiet, but they are our silent cries for attention, love and acceptance.

Manipulation is based on our need to control our outer world, which we know is no more than a reflection of our inner reality. Our need for control is based on our fears that we are not enough and our need to be part of someone else’s world. Yet without this fear, there is no need for manipulation because our inner power creates a powerful outer world. Are you manipulating someone or a situation in some way? Do not be afraid to admit it and see it without judgment. It is your way of believing you can create an outcome through others. How can you use your own power so that you do not have use your energy in manipulation (and it takes a lot of energy) and instead, set your intention and let the Universe bring it to you?

Who is in control?

The lessons of surrender and control are some of our most challenging and our most confusing. Beginning with the idea that surrender means ‘giving up’ and control means being ‘in charge’ no wonder we fight when we should be surrendering and surrender when we should be fighting. We are afraid to assert our control so we do not stand in the way of the Universe and in doing so, we often stand still when we should be taking action. The big question we want to ask is ‘who is in control”. And the answer is, we are, at all times, even if it appears that we are not.

We have had too many experiences of the results of control in our lives and as we stand at the point of transformation we are at now, we are afraid of using our power to create more disharmony in our lives. Just when it appears that we are using our power in the ‘right’ way, a lesson appears and we learn more about patience, divine timing, acceptance and allowing. How can we be comfortable with the concept of control and where are the boundaries?

There is no right or wrong way to use our power and to assert the control we have over our reality as long as we realize that every step forward into new territory allows us to move closer to our own heaven on earth. It is a process of refining our reality so we know exactly what works for us, and what doesn’t. There is great value in being able to view a situation from the point of choice and realizing that we are complete with it as it has no energy for us and we can let it go. Or that it does have value for us and we can pursue it and learn that by surrendering we allow more of that energy to manifest.

We control our reality in the best way when we are always questioning the value of what is before us. Does it bring us joy, contribute to our vision for our reality, are we at peace with it and is it flowing? We can use our control to make things work or to step back and allow the Universe to remove whatever is not working. Whatever we choose, we are in control of every step on our path. The Universe responds to us to create the reality we believe is right and best for us in that moment. When we are blocked, we can surrender to release the blocks and use our control to create something else. Set your intention for what you want and use the power of your thoughts, beliefs, faith and trust to co-create it. As you create a powerful, fulfilling reality, you will become comfortable with your ability to control and will no longer be afraid to step forward into the reality you know is right for you.

Passive Aggressive Control

When going from control to surrender, we struggle with how to release our need to make life happen in the way we think it should and instead, allow what is right and best for us to flow into our reality. True control comes with surrender but until we achieve that we create an illusion of control by manipulating energies and being passive aggressive, disguising our true intentions and approaching others with a personal agenda. This is something we all do to varying degrees and must own if we are to consciously be in the energy of surrender.

How are we passive aggressive? When we do something nice for someone, hoping they will appreciate it and then resent them when they don’t. When we give hints about what we want and then are angry become someone doesn’t take the hint. When we say ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’ and are upset when someone says OK, instead of letting us off the hook. In each of these situations, we are out of integrity with what we want but are afraid to tell the truth.

Now as spiritual people we cringe at the thought that we could be out of integrity and have trouble dealing with our own anger. Being spiritual does not mean that we will never be angry. But when we are not honest about our intentions and then become angry with someone because they are not taking hints or responding to our unspoken desires in the way we want them to, then we are being passive aggressive, saying one thing when we really mean something else.

If we are aligned with our intention there is no need for us to use force or manipulation to manifest what we want because with surrender, we are in control. When we are clear about our intention we do not need to be passive aggressive with others because with clarity we are surrounded by people and situations that respond to our intention, instead of blocking it. And with clarity we are not afraid to state our true intentions, owning that the responsibility and power for their fulfillment lies within us. We do not need to hide our true desires behind hints, hopes and silence because we believe in our dreams and do not need anyone’s validation or agreement to know that we are worthy of having them come true. And this is the gift of surrender, the control that allows us to be in the flow of miracles, manifesting an abundant and joyful reality.

(On the issue of control/surrender you can also read Jennifer’s januari article: ( www.lightworkers.org/channeling/97043/control-surrender-control )

Copyright ©2010 by Jennifer Hoffman and Enlightening Life OmniMedia, Inc

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 26th, 2010 at 2:58 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.